Great sex doesn’t begin when we take our clothes off. Here are some tips to connect with your partner to add joy to your relationship and enhance your sex life
- Meaningful rituals: these are special things you can count on, that you do on a routine basis. Weekly romantic dinners, daily loving texts, Sunday morning walks, or planned sex dates
- Be unpredictable: surprise your partner by doing things that are thoughtful and unexpected. A card, note, small gift, or get away weekend creates loving feelings & excitement, and can increase sexual desire
- Touch: sensual touch, long hugs, affectionate gestures & public hand holding release the hormone oxytocin, which and gives us a feeling of emotional bonding & lowers cortisol
- Time together: make time to be together alone. No kids, friends or electronics. Do things that are fun that you used to do together or that you’ve always wanted to do together
- Have fun and be adventurous: in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. This creates attraction & excitement. Fun is good for relationships and for better sex
- Kiss with passion: passionate kissing is one of the first things to go in a long-term relationship. Make sure to have passionate, long, lingering kisses
- Be genuinely interested in your partner and in their life: there’s always more to learn about the person you love…in and out of bed. For example: “tell me about your day”, or “tell me your sexual fantasies”, or “what can I do for you”…
- Add creativity and novelty into your sex life: do things differently. This releases the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is associated with attraction and infatuation. Try a new sex toy, position or place.
- Appreciate the positive and compliment your partner: it’s easy to focus on your partner’s faults and take one another for granted. Instead, focus on your partner’s positive traits, and then show appreciation with a thank you and a compliment
- Have realistic expectations: all relationships have conflicts, and every one has good days and bad days. Sometimes sex is mind-blowing, sometimes it’s forgettable, and sometimes you just want to forget
- Acknowledge, accept and manage your differences: 69% of couple’s problems are irresolvable. Much unhappiness is caused by our trying to change our partner and/or solve unsolvable problems
References
Gottman, John M. (1999) The marriage Clinic. New York, NY: W.W. Norton & Company
Coleman, Paul, Psy.D.. (2006) The 30 secrets of Happily Married Couples. Avon, MA: Adams Media
